Empty Foods

All good intentions aside, I imagine that most mortals can't afford to buy everything they need at Whole Foods (and many can't afford to buy anything there). So there's another local grocery store I reluctantly go to for certain items: Albertson's, which I think of as the anti-Whole Foods.

Whereas Whole Foods surrounds you with an impression that you're contributing to good, or at least contributing less to evil, Albertson's presents no such lofty ideals. The food for sale here seems to be all about pleasing the id. I'm so repulsed by much of the offerings at Albertsons (and their implications for health and the planet) that in a twisted way, I've come to enjoy my visits. What will I see next?

I recently had to pick up some horseradish for a recipe, and thought, I don't need organic horseradish, and I certainly don't need to pay $18 for organic free-range horseradish at Whole Foods. At Empty Foods, there were five different kinds of horseradish on the shelf, every one of them under $3, I believe--except that every one of them contained eggs! (Mind blown yet again by Southern food. What is with putting eggs into everything--gravy, dressing? Where does it end?) In a subsequent trip I found two additional brands of horseradish, one of which was the traditional kind I'd been looking for, sans eggs. These two options were located in the dairy case. But of course. I should've known to look in the dairy case for a pickled condiment containing no dairy.

Here's the sacks-of-sugar section, where you can get 10-pound and 25-pound bags of sugar. (In the very bottom right corner, those bags that looks like they might contain dog food or rock salt--that's sugar.) Kids in this market tend to be really loud and hyper; go figure.

And here's the comprehensive pudding section.

This endcap (to use the terminology from when I was in the biz) showcases Styrofoam supplies for your We Destroyed the World party.

Other endcaps I've seen have been themed around recipes, such as Velveeta paired with Ro-Tel tomatoes and peppers (dump the can into the Velveeta, nuke, and you have a nacho dip!), and one endcap display was just sacks o' white sugar.

In this aisle, you can find items from the food group
"Kool Aid."

Here's the Velveeta and Cheez Whiz section.

 

In case you don't know what to do with bananas, here's a helpful display of Nilla Wafers, for making Nilla banana pudding, or chocolate dip to coat them. The produce is probably all coated in X-tra Cancer pesticides, but I buy their potatoes because they're man-size, and I can't hang with those little organic ones.

 

 

Don't forget the main course: barbecue. Note the inflatable Mike the Tiger behind the smoker grill, heading up the LSU merch section of the supermarket, and there are Mardi Gras supplies there on the right. Our rental home came with one smoker in the back yard and one Mardi Gras supply: a light-up plastic purple-and-green chalice. The chalice has been used, the smoker will be experimented with at some point, and after multiple requests from the fiance, I have bought supplies to make that Nilla-'naner pudding. I'm not setting foot in that Kool-Aid  aisle, though. 

Comments

[Elizabeth]

Dude - if you've never had banana pudding DO NOT MOCK!! It is a dee-li-cious Southern treat.

Now, if you're really nice to me I might give you my recipe. Maybe.

[Jordaan]

That was grocerylarious. BTW, here in Austin (Her Organic Majesty's birthplace) we say "Whole Paycheck Foods."

[roopa]

Thanks for the good laugh. I love that Kool-Aid is listed on aisle contents. Not drink mixes, but KOOL-AID.

Oddly enough, Whole Foods is cheaper than other stores in Baltimore. Well, at least their 365 Everyday line is.

[Beth]

I have to admit, I was going to get a little preach-y on you and give advice. We do community supported agriculture up here in Maine for our vegetables, eggs, chickens-I love it! So I thought I would do some leg work for you and find a farm around you that you could be a part of-according to the database that I used to find my farm in ME, there are NO CSAs in LA. Hmmmmm, sad.

But not surprising, really. Our country is SOOOOO disconnected from food. I won't even get started on my soapbox, but your grocery store visit really says it all.

[Alison/Lilshametongue]

I need to write this: I am put off by bk's comment about my comment—and ecs should be, as well, as bk incorrectly attributes my writing to her.

What a dick. Especially when I, myself, acknowledged that I thought I might be beginning to sound like Doug Henning. Talk about getting the joke twenty minutes later....

Also, I would think on a blog as small and personal as this, with few readers, one would realize that it's a friendly environs.

People I don't know SUCK.

[Elizabeth]

Hi Beth! There are no CSAs in the South because we have awesome farmer's markets (which I'm sure Ms. Co. will be able to find). Also, if you talk to some of the farmers sometimes they do things like let you pick your own vegs (and no, it's no the fun pick your own apple type thing). Growing up we got ALL our vegetables either from our garden, the farmer's market, or picking them. Then we canned and froze stuff. That's how we do it back home.

Oh, and if you've never had to shuck corn - real corn - and pick the worms off of it which all un-sprayed, unhomogonized corn has, then you don't know nothing bout no vegetables!

I won't even go into what we did regarding meat, although I'll say a great deal of that didn't come from the grocery store, either.

[Alison/Lilshametongue]

P.S. I was impressed to see that at least they have an "ASIAN FOODS" aisle, instead of an "ORIENTAL FOODS" aisle.

My local C-Town features an "ETHNIC FOODS" aisle, which is where one finds all Goya products, tortillas, Adobo, flan-related ingredients, etc. This—in a nabe with a very high Cuban, Mexican and Puerto Rican population...so much so that they play nonstop salsa on the in-store stereo system (I admit this often makes me dance with my cart, and also make mango flan).

[Alison/Lilshametongue]

Another observation; What a tidy, peaceful-looking grocery store! All of the shelves are so neatly stocked, and the aisles are spacious enough to permit one to peruse and contemplate labels, bizarre-foods-never-eaten-by-self, etc.

Counter this to the 23rd St. Whole Foods, which often feels like an end-days free-for-all....

[cokane]

Beth & Elizabeth, there is a farmer's market here and as soon as it warms up I'll be planting my own stuff. Not corn, though, if it gets gross worms in it...

also E, is your banana pudding recipe different from the one on the Nilla box?

Alison, good point, it was quiet when I took these shots, the hyper kids must have all crashed by then. The tidiness of the displays and the blocks of color remind me of 99 Cent by Andreas Gursky.
http://exposurecompensation.com/2007/01/08/andreas-gursky-the-248-million-dollar-photograph/

[Alison/Lilshametongue]

Yeah—that's a photo that I will never tire of admiring and studying.

I admit—grocery stores are my cultural anthropology of the here and now. I LOVE studying the aforementioned foods I've never eaten (Vienna sausages come to mind from yesterday's C-Town trip), and I don't even mind long checkout lines because that's when I study what people are buying and try to make entirely baseless assumptions about their lives from such purchases. Uhhh...this is why I shop alone; I tend to dawdle a lot.

[Elizabeth]

Yes! My recipe is probably different from the one on the box. Of course, I'm just guessing but I'm pretty sure I'm right. I'll have to see if I can find it and I'll send you a copy. If you want to email me the nilla box recipe I can tell you if it's a real recipe or not (for instance - does it suggest using box pudding, or real pudding?).

ps - don't fear the corn worms! I forgot just what they're called by they're perfectly normal. Just pick 'em off; they don't bite.

[the cajun boy]

i was once buying condoms in the albertsons on college drive at 2am when i was accosted by a jesus freak preaching against fornication and asking me to turn my life over to christ.

good times.

[meanieT]

I just looked up CSAs near Pittsburgh, and there are several of them. For about $20/week (exactly what I spend a week in produce) they deliver organic produce to your door. I think I'm going to do this because, thanks to more funds these days, I've been trying to buy organic anyway.

[amy]

excuze, where is the seafood counter? you didn't get Albertson's famous krab dip?

at least you aren't shopping in a 15x20 bodega anymore!

[Big Daddy]

Every Albertson's I have ever been to is still rocking it's original 1970's aesthetic.

They seem so ghetto to the other chains.

[JDizzle]

Great post. I can't believe they still make styrofoam anything anymore. My mom buys it when we go camping. Camping! Can you believe her? And I always give her grief. Her reason: "paper just doesn't stand up like styrofoam." Well, no shit mom, that stuff will still be here when the dinosaurs make a comeback.

[Kartek]

The Albertsons in Davis took over the former Lucky supermarket. So it was pretty modern, big, and nice. Sadly, there was no kool-aid aisle.

[Beth]

Awesome meanieT! I think you will love it and we have come to really love "our farmers". We are on our 4th year with them and everyone involved-Members and Farmers have a big potluck at the end of the season. Very crunchy, but lovely just the same.
Elizabeth-I kind of think the tomato bug is much grosser than the corn worm. Especially when I use the clippers on their asses.

[ecs]

What's the soundtrack like at Albertson's? I'm picturing a french horn solo.

[Jack]

Hmmm. That horse radish... Well, maybe they keep it stocked under "Jew Style Horseradish".

I can say that because I am a Jew Style.

[andrea]

I love it -'the kool aid' food group and
'we destroy the world' party... hiARious.

we have a similarly themed store in our
'hood called smith's... we refer to it
as 'ghetto 'mit'.

[Amanda]

Karin, I love Lucky (the low price leader)! It's a little ghetto but I always sing and dance my way around the aisles to "Do You Want To" by Franz Ferdinand ("Lucky, lucky, you're so lucky").

But for real, I love Safeway. They have good sales, lots of good stuff, and they now have the "eating right" store health-ish food store label. It's not organic or whatever but it's low on crap. They have a huge and varied produce section, and their meat is really good, if you care.

[Amanda Rogers]

Hey Colleen, I recently moved here from the East Village, and this blog sums up one of my disappointing adventures since the move to the BR!

I just found your blogs, and I really enjoy reading them! I'm new to the bloggoverse, so if you ever want to check out my blog, seveneightyone.blogspot.com, I'd really love any tips or anyway you have.

Hope to hear from you!

[superior essays]

hello coleen, i read ur blog second time it is as good as first one, thanks for sharing.

[best ghost writers]

Coleen i m a big fan of you and always waiting for ur next post.