So much freedom

Before I get back to posting about our European vacation, a little about our fourth of July.

The f and I drove back from Texas Friday from a week visiting with family, not especially eager to get back to Baton Rouge and looking for distraction along the way. He wanted to stop at one of those fireworks stands to stock up for the holiday, and the temporary emporium we stumbled upon, shortly after crossing back into LA, was a doozy.

As I have no desire to blow things up, it had been a good 20 years since I was last in a fireworks store, at good old South of the Border. From what I remember, most of the fireworks at that time tended to have a more Asian look to the packaging, such as Hen Laying Egg pictured below.

 

Not so at Hog Wild! Hen Laying Egg-san was in the minority there. The fireworks in this place were all about freedom. Glorious, explosive freedom.

And America.

 

And...uh...standing together.

Texas Loud, Texas Proud. But here's a really special one: How You Like Me Now, featuring George W. Bush and Unspecified Brown/Middle Eastern Foe.

 Can't you feel the barely-contained freedom in that one?

If none of those are enough explosive power, Hog Wild offered a six-foot tall, 200-lb variety pack ($1200 retail value) called The Big Bang, on sale for $349. I didn't think anyone would actually buy so many fireworks at once. But here's somebody about to do just that.

I think these might be the same two guys who were considering purchasing Hot Beef Sundaes at the state fair last fall.

Bag of explosives in hand, we made a pit stop at the gas station next door, where the men's rest room had this offering for sale:

The only way that parking lot could have had more freedom is if the gas station were one of these:

(Note that Freedom Fuel's store is called Cracker Barrel. No comment.)

Back on the road, we called our friend Jonathan to have him meet us for fireworks fun when we got back to BR. Of course first, we consulted Sensible Sam for proper safety precautions.

We began setting off some fireworks in front of Little Pink, as our neighbors up the street did the same, and we could hear others going off from farther away in other directions.

We had some pretty ridiculous fireworks.

The guys were shooting off bottle rockets and such, reminiscing about the alarmingly dangerous games they used to play with fireworks as kids like sawing off the end of a whiffle bat and using that as a rocket launcher to shoot explosive projectiles at "enemies." And being dudes, they couldn't resist blowing up a kumquat from our trees.

I was content to run around with a sparkler like when I was 10, with the dog running alongside me. When the neighbors up the way finished up their show, we thought we were being considerate by taking our show over to the nearby high school, where we'd have a whole open field and wouldn't be within such close earshot to houses. The plan made perfect sense, except for all those houses within earshot around the field. Before long, a patrol car was approaching the parking lot with a spotlight on us, announcing to "you guys and the dog" to stop what we were doing and come over to him. The cop asked us our ages and where we were from. "You're too old for this," he said, looking about half as amused as we were.  Miraculously none of us laughed when he said, "Maybe they do stupid things in Brooklyn, but here in Baton Rouge, we don't do stupid things." In addition, he informed us this wasn't a rural area where you can shoot off fireworks anywhere, and that was a historic school right over there that we were endangering.

When our lecture was over, we snickered all the way back to Little Pink, Jonathan declaring it the best fourth of July ever, and we quickly agreed.

Comments

[jade]

who is considerate when it comes to fireworks? my windows rattled the whole night through!

& the BRPD was workin for that dolla on july fourth. they had their ironic sense of humor caps on, too! ohhh the joy

[beth]

I think every male has a story about shooting bottle rockets at each other...Do you think it is written in their boy bible that whether they actually did that or not you should say you did? I am a sparkler fan myself- I like writing my name with it. Really fast so I can see the whole thing-I will accomplish that some day.

[suntawrites]

How in the world did you contain your laughter when the police officer said that??? OMG! I am cracking up over here.
Your hog-wild story & photos are fantastic! :)
HAPPY 4th OF JULY!

[therese]

That first photo is very Dr. Strangelove.

[kartek]

That's what happens when you get too much freedom. I wonder if the gas station is away that their gas is profiting the enemies. But I guess enough american flags trumps that.

[Amanda]

Did you happen to notice the chef on the "America Stands Together" fireworks box? I guess I can understand the senator or CEO or whatever kind of douchebag he is in the foreground, and the cop and the stabby bayonet soldier flanking him, but the chef? I guess putting a fire fighter in the photo was nixed, as he would kind of be a buzz-kill on a box of fire hazards.

"Who else does a job? Think, guys..."
"I KNOW! A CHEF!"

Also, re: the french freedom tickler - isn't it anti-freedom to call it french? If they're going to go so far to make it all red-hwhaate-n-bloo, why not just call it the freedom tickler? Just a thawt.

[Elizabeth]

OMG, the pictures of the store made me completely drool at work. Perhaps you don't want to blow things up but I do, badly, every day. Stupid NYC, making fireworks illegal (although my neighbors seem to know where to get them).

and sparklers! Ok they're pretty, but really, playing with fireworks is no fun if there's not a little danger that someone'll lose a finger or an eye.

Your 4th sounds fun!

[Ellen]

As a kid I always kind of dreaded the 4th because of the fireworks. The noise always made me jump out of my skin, so I would end up cowering in the closet with the dog. Sparklers are more my speed, but I was afraid of them for a while, too. I am a wuss.

[Apollo]

what, no O-bomb-as? i bet it won't be long before they grace the wall of every roadside fireworks stand.

seriously though 'texas loud, texas proud' cracks me up. and you totally should have bought The Big Bang.

[ayem8y]

“Hog Wild offered a six-foot tall, 200-lb variety pack ($1200 retail value) called The Big Bang, on sale for $349.”

Is that Big Bang wearing the blue shirt and black shorts? If so he’s quite a bargain for $349.00.

[Lioux]

Wait.

Stupid things are done in Brooklyn?!?!!!

[Lioux]

J'ai parfois comme la liberté de parler.

Et en espagnol.

subtitles:

I sometimes like to speak Freedom.

And Spanish.

[Big Daddy]

True story:

When I was 8, I had a defective sparkler.

It blew up in my hand instead of sparkling.

We weren't supposed to be playing with them yet, so even though I had a second degree burn, I couldn't tell my mom for fear of getting in trouble.

I had to sleep that night with my hand in a pot of cold water.

When I woke up with the next morning, I had the biggest, nastiest, pus filled scar running down the entire length of my right index finger.

Had a scar from it for a while.

[Caitlin]

Hey Freedom Fuel! I didn't realize there were more of those...I pass one every day on my way to work. Would never dream of stopping there alone though. I think there's a gas station across the street from it called Spirit.

[jason]

"French Freedom Tickler"?
Isn't like an oxymoron or something?
They aren't called freedom fries for nothing.

[amy]

busted! a brooklyn cop would have hauled you to the station and called the FBI in. um, not that i would know.

[The Mighty Favog]

Colleen,

You have more self-control than I do. Maybe not actually being from BR helps.

As a native, I would have instantly convulsed in laughter, then said something smart-ass when Barney Freakin' Fife reached for his best witty bad-ass rejoinder and came up with "Maybe they do stupid things in Brooklyn, but here in Baton Rouge, we don't do stupid things."

And then I would have been arrested.

Thought you might enjoy this: http://revolution-21.blogspot.com/2008/07/philosopher-cop-who-knew.html

[Watch Animation Movies]

Great..Your Tour is looking to be fantatsic. When ever i went on tour i used to dowload some movies in my laptop . It made my tour great.

[propecia online]

All the fireworks are really amazing and outstanding every time that they exploted on the sky. They are really beautiful...