Newsflash! Weird stuff found on Internet

The season change is crushing me this year! Yeah...that's what it is...the "season change." It's not the Deep South Experience 2.0, wherein I am drained of 65% of life force. Anyway.

The one exciting thing is that wedding planning is a fabulous procrastination project, and the sub-project of finding a gown is the best one of all time because it's so challenging. But my focus has temporarily shifted to the registry, about which I have mixed feelings. On the one hand, we will get to have new items of our choosing for our home! On the other hand, I feel like a jerk for asking for expensive gifts. But this is all part of the special cross bestowed by Catholicism called Excessive Guilt, and as my pal Missy advised, if you don't ask for specific items you need, you will still get a lot of expensive random frames and vases.

In my online travels, I saw that Amazon not only has a whole green store now (excellent), but also a Breast Cancer Awareness store (good, we can pick a few things to help fight a disease that has drastically affected my friends and family this year). But the BC store is where the offerings got a little weird.

 

Now...Where to start. I'm glad that there are so many products created with pure intention to fight breast cancer (and none are made by someone jumping on a bandwagon. Right?). Bravo! But I hate little rat dogs.* You might say they are my "PET" peeve. I see this image, and I want to kick that critter fifty feet in the air. I would never do it, but the feeling is there. So this badge makes me want to do the opposite of whatever this Bichon Frise is supposedly advocating. But I suspect what that punt dog is really advocating is nothing but its own agenda of treats and yapping in a high-pitched register like an asshole for no apparent reason.

Then I found this item, which gave pause.

And this one.

(There's another version, too, but you get the idea.) Just...What? Is there some connection I'm not getting and maybe the wording is just awkward?

I had to look into this company DAS that made these curiously "designed" keychains. They only use the one font, but they also offer mugs featuring names of tourist spots, "snappy" sayings, and this.

I glanced through another few pages of an apparent 120,000+ choices from this company (I <3 MENTOR, I <3 METATRON, I <3 PARAMUS, I <3 MEAD) until I found one so vile, I had to stop.

In conclusion, the Internet is weird.

* Punts owned by friends and family are tolerated on a case-by-case basis.

Comments

[Kevin]

Pet peeve. Well played.

Also, I don't see why a NASCAR driver named Dick Trickle is just like, some big joke to everyone.

[cokane]

You know, I didn't even remember that was a driver's name, which made it more uncalled for.

[Lioux]

NASCAR racing makes my Channel Changed.

[Apollo]

NASCAR racing makes my baby punched

[Kevin]

Somewhere there's a tear slowly falling from Dick Trickle's eye.

He's shouting in the mirror, "When's the world gonna start showing Dick Trickle a little respect? Why is Dick Trickle always the butt of everyone's jokes?!"

Now he's calling his best friend Dick Butkus for reassurance.

[andrea]

i HATE nascar.

and all things nascar.

i do, however, think dick trickle is a
fitting name for someone who loves them some nascar!

[Kevin]

The worst part--his name is Dick HUSSEIN Trickle!

I should lay off for a bit. I feel like I'm seriously starting to sound more and more like the Southern fried stereotypes I'm lampooning, and it's distracting from things like the fierce look on that Bichon Frise's face. That thing is going to fly up and bite someone on the jugular.

[Elizabeth]

Hey! I applied for a job at NASCAR recently (seriously). They didn't call me though :(

[Kitty]

I think that the "fighting pregnancy and breast cancer" keychain may be making a vague reference to certain brands of birth control pills, which claim to not only prevent pregnancy, but breast and ovarian cancers.

If its not that, then I am truly stumped.

[Jules]

Wait. There's a man named Dick Trickle? And he drives race cars? Wow. I learn something new every day. What a disgusting name. I wonder if he changed his name to that to be a true dick or if his parents actually named him?

Also, as far as the registry goes, I know the feeling. Wasn't easy for me. I had a registry (as I recall you generously bought me something from) but no shower. I skipped having a shower due to my fear of opening presents in front of people (I hate it for some reason) and because I just hate asking for shit. But I must say I'd have a hell of a lot more matching plates and stuff to fill my kitchen with if I had. So yeah, just do it, don't look back and regret it like me. : )

[Amanda]

Bischon Frise for the Fight Against Breast Cancer? How do they expect the dog to fight breast cancer? It sounds like they're recommending animal sacrifice.

Have they tried that?

[evier]

So I used to know someone with a mutant Bichon. The thing was the size of a small golden retriever. Would that be a puntable dog too? I didn't like him... I think the mutation made him stupid. But I always think of him when I see Bichons and it makes me laugh.

[Big Daddy]

NASCAR makes my Bichon Frise.

I hate those dogs.

[Ellen]

Jules is right, Colleen, just register and don't feel bad at all. As an Irish Catholic I know that guilty feeling all too well. However, people want to buy you stuff for your wedding, but they don't really want to think to hard about what to get you, so registering makes it easier for them. Pick items with a range of prices and people will choose to spend whatever is comfortable for them. Lastly, you are getting married and you deserve nice, shiny new things for your home. There really is nothing to feel guilty about.