Colleen Kane

Greetings from Hudson City

Long time no write! There are happenings to report and I now have the time and the functioning brains to report them. 

At the start of 2013, Tom, myself and the ding dongs moved to Jersey City. Leaving Brooklyn was not an easy decision, and I went over the reasons before in my column for Brooklyn Based. But the TL;DR of it is that Brooklyn has become obscenely unaffordable. We wanted more for the money and after two years of shlepping daily from Brooklyn to Englewood Cliffs (min. 1 hour each way), I wanted a shorter commute to work.  

What's it like moving to this comparatively obscure 'hood from the ground zero of coolness and convenience? Read about it in my latest Brooklyn Based column, which has a new name and a new focus, Life After Brooklyn. I've begun posting my photos of the area here on my new Tumblr, called Hudson City after the former name of our neighborhood, the Heights, when it was an independent city. 

The funny/not so funny thing about moving to be closer to my job is...

Incognito with the Guidos + Bonus Material

Well, my nonexisitent dream of getting into Penthouse magazine before my 37th birthday came true. My in-depth investagative report Incognito with the Guidos came out in the February issue, released on the day before my birthday, including not very good photos I took of my attempted transformation into guidette. I thought I'd share some more photos from that mission here.

If you haven't read the story yet, please do. If you have, click through for the photos.

And Now We Shall Speak of Guidos

I know you've all been anxiously waiting for my take on the MTV reality program "Jersey Shore," or as I like to call it, "Guidos." (Or at the very least, StPauliGirl commented that she wanted to know.)

The double premiere of the first two episodes was so outrageous that I had to gather my thoughts beyond exclamations such as: "OH MY GOD. Snookie has shamed her entire family already ten minutes into the show," and, "OMG The Situation!" and "Ew, I hate her/him," and "Did you see that dance move?" and "Civilization really is on the decline now," and "Attention DVR:  record entire series." 

Post- vacay odds 'n' ends

The previous post was a biggie, so if you're looking for funny gross storytime, go read that one and submit to DIGG and StumbleUpon and reddit etc so mama can get another penny from her blog ads. Because this one, comprised of items I forgot to include from vacay and such, is going to be disjointed.

I'll start big with the best piece of mail awaiting us upon return to Baton Rouge.

Meet Lenore. We don't know Lenore, and we don't know who her card was really intended for, because our mail had been rained on a time or several, blurring the addresses (neighbors forgot to take it in). Note the mold on the envelope in rather pleasant pastel colors, reminiscent of Froot Loops. (You know you've been in Southern Louisiana too long when you start to become fond of certain palettes of mold.)

Do not be alarmed by her appearance: Lenore does have eyes (and glasses) but I don't have Photoshop so blurred them out for privacy in another program. 

I don't know this lady, but kind of love her for including a photo of herself, fully clothed, in a hot tub with her Christmas card.

Dear Indians: Please invite me to your weddings

While I was up North, I was fortunate to attend my first Indian wedding, something I'd always wanted to experience.

Sadly I missed the Thursday-evening mehndi due to logistics, an affair which I'm told was like a wedding reception in itself. So I didn't get any henna designs, but it's okay because my arms are in the summer mode I call Frecks-n-Effect, so I had pre-exisiting henna-like polka dots.

The wedding day's events began a little before noon with the groom and his sister in a horse-drawn carriage, being led from his "village" by his fellow villagers, aka, the groom's side of the attendees.

Just before a drum and heavy recorded beats started up and us friends and family of the groom led the procession in front of the carriage, the mother of the groom mandated to us newbies, "You have to dance!"

All right! The wedding ceremony hasn't even happened, no one has gotten drunk yet, and we're dancing? This was already completely different from any wedding in my family.

Weekend, part two: we're really not in Brooklyn anymore, Cooper

On Sunday, the f and I went on some errands that took us near the new hunting/outdoors superstore Cabela's. So we decided to have another cultural experience. Starting in the parking lot, Cabela's did not disappoint.

Friday Randomness Roundup

I haven't updated good old Abandoned Baton Rouge in almost a month, but yesterday I finally visited a site I've been meaning to hit for ages: D-Jay's School of Beauty. Do check it out.

I also became an even more official Louisiana resident, of course to my dismay.

 

Your mom goes to spring break

And then, I went to Miami.

The Jersey Top Three

Last week in Jerse during week one of this semi-working vacay, I returned to the thrift-store scene of the disturbing '80s pantyhose package crime (the evidence was still there) and I found three more treasures, none of which I purchased. It did make me consider the viability of selling vintage goods for a living, so that buying something amazing like item number one would be defensible:

Without a doubt, this shellacked prize was won at the boardwalk.

Road to nowhere, part two

And now to sum up the rest of the past few days of this ongoing visit. I had planned my every-two-months-sanity trip this time to coincide with my mom's birthday and my friends' wedding. I call it a sanity trip because it is so reassuring to be around folks who I don't have to refer back to a blog post for the shared memories we have...there are no blog posts for these decade(s)-old memories, just the right catch phrase or look is enough to bring hilarities back.

The wedding on Saturday was in PA with the Jersey gang of friends I've been through high school and college with (and in some cases middle school, grammar school, and even little-kid-hood) and have traipsed around Europe with. We've had so many good/bad/ugly experiences together, and at this wedding two of us had another first together: oyster shots. It looked like this:

I had to run to the bathroom because the oyster got stuck in my esophagus. It was like doing a shot of phlegm.

(I am classy.)