I haven't updated good old Abandoned Baton Rouge in almost a month, but yesterday I finally visited a site I've been meaning to hit for ages: D-Jay's School of Beauty. Do check it out.
I also became an even more official Louisiana resident, of course to my dismay.
And then, I went to Miami. 
Well, I did it--I'm going to have more writing to promote soon, so I grudgingly joined Facebook, as I knew I would this year, and it's already beckoning to me to fritter away all my time. I also knew that within my wedding-planning explorations would be plenty of free material, ripe for the pickin'. Obviously there's going to be a lot to heckle, so why not heckle it here? Here's the first three gems.
Thanks to the targeted ads on Facebook, where my engaged relationship status appears, I learned that there is now such a thing as a wedding loan. This particular one will help you finance up to a $25,000 wedding. All you have to do is ask your guests to invest in your wedding.
Dear Eclipse Gum Manufacturer,
Have you heard of global warming? Just curioso why you took a product that already doesn't need to exist, which used to come in a presumably somewhat biodegradable packaging of paperboard, then supersized it and packaged it in a plastic container--Oh, but hey, everybody! It fits in your car's cup holder! Now I see. Thanks, Eclipse, for making something there was no need for, even more convenient! I like to chew about 17 pieces of gum at a time and didn't know where to keep my large gum supply so that it's easily accessible while I'm driving. But now I don't know where to put my water bottle. Please invent a plastic attachment to add onto your car's cup holder so that it will hold two cups. Also, my kitchen counter keeps getting dirty every time I cook. Please invent something called "counter liners," and make them out of plastic, so I can have a fresh disposable counter top each time and never have to clean them, because that would be very convenient. Please make that wintergreen.
Thank you,
Viewer
