Q. ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL?!?!??!?!
A. No. I am pretty much never ready for some football. However! I was easily lured by an offer presented by a regular commenter on this blog, vl100butch, to experience an LSU football game from an insider's perspective. Other than eating some specially prepared little maritime critters, which I am also not ready for, this seemed the essential Baton Rouge experience. And that's how this avid sports detractor went willingly to her first sporting match in, oh, probably over 15 years.
The first surprise for this girl from the New York hotbed of alternative lifestyles was that vl100butch was not, in fact, a butch lesbian. I had just assumed...when Butch, the commenter hailing originally from Louisiana, who drives a converted bus from the 1950s called the Witch, referred to his wife and daughter and her friend traveled down to see this game, I just thought we were all talking about a thoroughly modern family.
Wrong-o! He was a little boy baby nicknamed Butch back when this kid from the Little Rascals was also called Butch:
Not to mention a kid from the Bowery Boys, as well. It's all the Internet's fault.
Butch introduced me to the vintage vehicle that takes him, his wife Kas, and their entourage all across America: the Norse Witch.
Seeing their names together, you may wish the bus was named The Sundance Kid. But Butch's wife Kasidy is a fiercely proud of her Norweigan heritage and crafts traditional Norwegian garb for a living, even while the Witch is in flying down the road. Like any good LSU Tigers fanatic, she also makes her craft in LSU Tigers format, as with this fleece Tigers stadium cloak.
Butch is connected to many other LSU fans not just by attending many games over his lifetime, but as part of the morning crew on a site called tigerdroppings.com. I've only briefly glanced at it but particularly enjoyed this letter to Zak Hanson (of Hanson fame) that someone posted after his mom showed him all the letters she'd saved so they could be laughed about years later. You don't have to be a sports fan to enjoy that kind of fun parenting.
You do have to be a sports fan to enjoy the blog LSU Chicageaux, but not its creator. We got to witness this character, pictured here shotgunning a watery domestic beer, who is the force behind this wacky blog which regularly trounces the rival du jour of the LSU Tigers. My first impression of him was him announcing, "I enjoy sex with inanimate objects," and giving several (clothed) demonstrations of such. This was pre-shotgunned beer, or at least pre-the one we saw. I only know one other post-college guy who will so casually shotgun a beer, who some of my NYC readers will recognize as the Big Fucking Swede. Maybe these two should go toe to toe in a thirtysomething shotgunning battle.
Our main tailgating hangout was at a huge RV owned by a sweet couple, and it included their extended family. As I think Butch's daughter put it, just their shower stall was bigger than the Witch's whole bathroom.
I was welcomed in despite my New Yorker heritage, though I did hear how their neighbors who'd moved from New York were unfriendly and by way of partial explanation I told them that when we moved town here we didn't understand why our neighbors were waving at us. Then we realized they're just nice. Much later, after the game, our host who was impressed I'd moved here "on purpose!" explained that because I was going to eventually move back from whence I came, I wasn't a damn Yankee. The logic is still lost on me, but I think the intention was complimentary.
Here's Butch displaying the Tigers version of Bud Light. If you haven't picked up on this already, there is a Tigers version of everything.
This tailgate setup had one o'them Cajun microwaves. I was told there was a whole pig in that contraption there. Another sight that I will always regret not getting my camera out in time for was the ride-on bar. Yep. Even better than the ride-on cooler.
And then, after precious little tailgating since it was a day game, there was the game itself. If you've never been to an LSU game, first I want you to please click on and enlarge this photo of the crowd, just to see how much purple and gold there is.
I still can't get over it. But then I think, when I saw rock concerts at Giants Stadium way back when, everyone there was probably wearing combinations of black and denim, with just a little bit of neon here and there.
To call an LSU game a spectacle would be an understatement. After an announcement asking the crowd to please refrain from using profanity (some people disobeyed, but I won't say who), out came the stellar marching band to warm up the crowd. Ah! Music! Something I enjoy. As the band marched off the field in perfect step, I thought, "There geauxs the last thing I'm going to understand tonight." Little did I realize that they'd set up shop right across from us and jam out throughout the game. Those dancers in the front are the famous Golden Girls. Not half as awesome as the original Golden Girls, but still fun to watch.
That entertainment category also included running flagit guys and cheerleaders. Two male cheerleaders actually did one of those jumping chest bumps. What was more frustrating to watch was the stop and go of the football game. The first half had a lot of playing for three seconds, then stopping, or a ball would be thrown, and there'd be a jumble of guys at the far end of the field and it would look like it hurt.
Thankfully the band was playing such rock favorites as "Inna Gadda da Vida," "Crazy Train," "Living on a Prayer," "Any Way You Want It." I looked to them for support in this unfamiliar land known as Death Valley.
The second half of the game was more exciting.
There were more instances of players catching the ball and running like hell with it. Even as someone not invested in the team, I couldn't help getting psyched when that happened, and I'd even jump up and yell. Other people were yelling advice like "Intercept that bastard!" But since I didn't know what to tell players to do, I'd just be like "AAAAAAAA!"
The best was when all in one moment, the band played "Don't Stop Believin'," I saw a guy being led out by security, and then this cowboy in a cheerleader outfit appeared, flying his freak flag around the stadium for as much attention as he could gather.
And then the game went into overtime, then double overtime, then triple, and the excitement continued, but as I came to from a fantasy about eating my leftover macaroni and cheese (hadn't eaten all day), the crowd had gotten grim. Arkansas had scored again. When the Arkansas team exploded out onto the field in celebration even I could tell the long-ass game was finally over, and LSU had lost by two points. A stadiumful of dejected sports fans began the slow exit. On the way back we'd see a lone fan or two sitting sadly on a cooler here and there.
Back at the tailgate RV, one of Butch's friends said on his way out, "You're going to grow to love it down here. We're nutty, but we're nice. Sometimes maybe just plain strange."
The hubby was watching this game and he asked me if you were watching it. I was like, "I think not!". I'll have to e-mail this to him.
Posted by: meanieT | November 26, 2007 at 06:56 AM
why did i know you would link to a (tiger band) piccolo post? LOL...btw, picc is definately a her....that's her in her sig pic and avatar (the blonde with the charlie brown round face) and she is a very good flutist (begin "one day at band camp" jokes here)
the pomeranian is lacey, and you wouldn't think she is spoiled rotten would you?
it was a lot of fun to meet you... to fully enjoy lsu tailgaiting, you just have to work on no longer being a vegetarian (lol)
Posted by: vl100butch | November 26, 2007 at 07:18 AM
I would love to see the BFS and the Chicageaux guy in a beer shotgunning contest. Work on that one, Kane.
Posted by: Therese | November 26, 2007 at 09:55 AM
meanieT, who knew, right?
Butch the straight gentleman, I guess I'm not very good at getting people's genders right.(That cowboy cheerleader was a woman, right?) I remember you mentioning Picc, but then this was so without any little girl "I love you" business I thought it was from a boy... Thanks again for everything!
Therese, I'll get on that.
Posted by: cokane | November 26, 2007 at 10:31 AM
i'm so glad that you finally got to go to a game. a pretty damn good one at that. we did, however, lose. a game that we were supposed to win no less, and i've been scrathing my head trying desperately to figure out what metaphysical phenom may be the cause for this. now i know...
it was you colleen.
you are hereby forbidden from ever stepping foot into the hallowed grounds of tiger stadium.
ever.
but i have to give props to butch for taking you under his wing and showing you how we do it down there.
as for me, i'm still searching for just the right bridge to throw myself off of after the loss.
nice knowing ya...
Posted by: the cajun boy | November 26, 2007 at 12:08 PM
i'm so glad that you finally got to go to a game. a pretty damn good one at that. we did, however, lose. a game that we were supposed to win no less, and i've been scrathing my head trying desperately to figure out what metaphysical phenom may be the cause for this. now i know...
it was you colleen.
you are hereby forbidden from ever stepping foot into the hallowed grounds of tiger stadium.
ever.
but i have to give props to butch for taking you under his wing and showing you how we do it down there.
as for me, i'm still searching for just the right bridge to throw myself off of after the loss.
nice knowing ya...
Posted by: the cajun boy | November 26, 2007 at 12:10 PM
This post raises so many questions. Are you telling us that people were cooking a pig in that filthy looking coffin?
Posted by: jeff | November 26, 2007 at 03:01 PM
Wow! What did you wear?
-J
Posted by: jew | November 26, 2007 at 03:14 PM
oh dang i guess i don't have to sign my comments with your new typepad fancyness!
Posted by: jew | November 26, 2007 at 03:15 PM
yes they were cooking a pig in that coffin looking device.....it's lined with stainless steel and very well insulated...
colleen actually wore an lsu t-shirt!!!!!!
and she was complimented by many people for doing so!!!
Posted by: vl100butch | November 26, 2007 at 03:57 PM
best blog ever! are you scarred for life or what?!
Posted by: amy | November 26, 2007 at 06:04 PM
Haha. Wait. Was Rutgers the worst big east football team during our RU tenure?
Posted by: Kartek | November 26, 2007 at 07:02 PM
That tigerdroppings link is funny, but what is it doing on an LSU forum!?
I'm glad to read you survived a game! I'm not a Tigers fan but I did enjoy the couple games I've gone to. It's very hard to not get swept up in the madness.
I was about to comment on how weird it is that the weather looks perfect, but then I remembered the game was on Friday, not Saturday. You definitely got great football weather.
Posted by: Caitlin | November 26, 2007 at 07:17 PM
I was also thinking that it was really cool that someone gave you a ticket (Butch?). If LSU is anything like OSU (my alma mater), then it's like getting the winning Willie Wonka Golden Ticket. People seriously don't part with that shit, even for a lotta money on Ebay.
I was wondering about the whole "New Yorkers don't say 'hi'" thing and how you were caught off guard by your neighbors' friendliness. We've had people come visit Pittsburgh and report that "all these people were smiling and waving-weird". I personally think it's really weird when people don't say 'hi' (like one of our neighbors-maybe from NYC?). So, what's with that? Are people afraid to make the connection in bigger cities? Afraid they're going to be asked over for dinner? I just don't see anything bad about being friendly with one's neighbors (neighbros).
Posted by: meanieT | November 26, 2007 at 07:36 PM
tigerdroppings has several boards, that particular post came from the OT (other topic) Lounge, where the discussions range from the raunchily sexual to just plain inanity....and of course the (good) morning thread.....
you want to see football ranting, go to the tiger rant, score board, or coaching changes boards...
as far as the ticket for colleen was concerned, i did a 2 for 4 swap....the arkansas game is normally a lot easier to do this sort of swap for as it is a day game (sucks), a friday (sucks donkeys), and normally the first day of hunting season....but it helped that the two tickets i swapped were for absolutely spectacular seats!!!!!
on e-bay or the tigerdroppings ticket exchange, tickets were going for $100- each to as high as $500- each...depending on where they were in the stadium...
Posted by: vl100butch | November 26, 2007 at 07:51 PM
Cajun Boy, I suspected this all might somehow be my (damn?) Yankee fault. I will have no problem complying with my forbidden status, as I have now experienced the game.
Amy, thanks! I feel relatively unscathed.
meanieT, I heard someone explain this phenom really well years ago and I will now butcher it. Before cities there were tribes in which everyone knew each other, made eye contact, acknowledged each other. With large cities it just became too big to acknowledge every person you passed by, so people became more selective and just kind of filtered out everyone else. And then people selected their own tribe within the larger group that they associated with. And then they said "Screw you buddy" if someone tried to ask them the time on the street.
Butch, now I feel even more indebted. Get ready for some delicious home-cooked vegetarian celebration roast next time you're here! Mmmm....gluten-y.
Just kiddin. Hmmm...I have this antique support garment called Bub I could sell on eBay?
Posted by: cokane | November 26, 2007 at 08:55 PM
WOW! Butch emailed me this link and boy am I impressed with your blog! I am the writer of the Hanson fan mail that you linked. AND...as someone else pointed out, I am in fact a la-la-la lllay dy. A sexy Charlie Brown head lady at that ;)
Ha. Just kidding. But seriously.
I'm glad you enjoyed my "inane" post. :D You should come back for more....
And GEAUX TIGERS!
Posted by: TigerBandPiccolo | November 26, 2007 at 09:07 PM
Butch- you don't have to be a non-vegetarian to enjoy tailgating. It might help if you eat seafood (as I do), but all you really gotta' be is someone who likes to drink.
Posted by: Randy | November 26, 2007 at 10:14 PM
Ha! Love the pictures. Great post.
Posted by: Jules | November 27, 2007 at 10:46 AM
Ah...I see.
Posted by: meanieT | November 27, 2007 at 05:15 PM
So...purple and gold aren't considered "faggy" there?
Posted by: ecs | November 27, 2007 at 07:58 PM
purple & gold (& green ZOMG!) are mardi gras colors... you know, for the fags!
Posted by: jade b | November 27, 2007 at 11:22 PM
Picc, you now play in a band that plays for much larger crowds than Hanson! Z-dog should be writing you letters now.
Randy, I can do that!
Jules, thx
MeanieT, I think I should've used the term villages instead of tribes but y'know. Thought that was an interesting explanation for the whole big city/small town friendliness phenom. I wish I could remember who said it.
Posted by: cokane | November 28, 2007 at 11:39 AM